“Just a heads up: that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronic activity in your brain. There’s a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don’t stress yourself thinking about it. I’m serious, visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.”— Cave Johnson
“Alright this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So word of advice: if you meet yourself on the testing track don’t make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that’ll wipe out time - entirely. Forward and backward. So do both of yourselves a favor and let that handsome devil go about his business.”— Cave Johnson
“Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I’m going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”—Cave Johnson
i wonder what it’s like to have my body and mind separate. i can’t have sex with someone who isn’t in love with me and leave it as “sex”. i invest feelings, hard. that’s the number one reason i can never, have never and will never have a one night stand. i complicate my own mind.