If you happen to encounter a bear in the wilderness, do not run, as this will trigger an attack. Instead, make yourself look as big as possible, slowly back away, and in a low, audible voice say, “Come at me bro.”
Just conceived a new roller coaster idea. Feet only strapped to a platform on tracked wheels. Synced with spring loaded boxing gloves that hit you during the duration of the ride. Named: shit kicker’s revenge. Opening summer 2012.
The other week, I was standing in line at Walgreens buying whatever it was I was buying. It was a long line for a Friday night, I thought. Usually I can get in and out in a decent amount of time. Two gentlemen were standing in line behind me. All of a sudden, they had caught interest in some impulse items. I couldn’t really pass judgement on them, I love looking at impulse items while I’m standing in line. However, these impulse items made noise. Irritating noises.
The items in question were these plush pills. Like capsules that you get at a pharmacy. When you squeezed them, they laughed. It wasn’t a cute laugh. It was an insane ADHD child laugh. One of the men just kept squeezing them. And squeezing them. AND SQUEEZING THEM. I then turned and gave them a disapproving look. One of them remarked to the other that they had better stop squeezing them or else the lady would kill him. I said that I would probably hear those things in my nightmares.
What I was wondering is why anyone would make and sell a plush giggling insanity pill. Then I thought, it was probably meant to appeal to pill-poppers. Being an ex-pill popper, I had to admit, I did have an urge to buy one. If only for the WTF factor.
If you are wondering what the pill looks and sounds like, I did find a link here.
Finally, it was my turn in line. While making my purchases, a young blond woman ran up to the pill display and maniacally started squeezing the pills. “Tee-hee! These always make me so happy!” I knew then I had to make my escape before I said something unkind, like saying, “I will give you a handful of Xanax rectally if you do not stop”. Hateful, yes. But I did not actually verbalize the hate so it’s progress.
While in training at work, we were learning about different inpatient and outpatient facilities. One of those facilities was a sleep study center. The participant guide listed the diagnoses that were most commonly associated with being admitted to a sleep center.
- Sleep Apnea
Pretty normal. And then …
I turned to my coworker and asked, “Why would impotence be a reason to get a sleep test?” “I don’t know. I was wondering that myself” I asked our instructor, who was male, why a sleep study would be needed for impotence. I didn’t get a response. “I need to find out the reason” I told my coworker. “If you find out, let me know tomorrow”. I then realized that when I’m not at work, I don’t tend to want anything to do with work.
That evening was different.
I actually remembered what I said I wanted to research. It was truly a magical moment. So, I googled impotence. After a few failed tries, I finally found my answer, courtesy emedicinehealth.com …
“Nocturnal penile tumescence testing (NPT) may be useful in distinguishing mental from physical impotence. This test involves the placement of a band around the penis that you would wear during 2 or 3 successive nights. If an erection occurs, which is expected during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, the force and duration are measured on a graph. Inadequate or no erections during sleep suggests an organic or physical problem, while a normal result may indicate a high likelihood of emotional, psychological, or mental causes.”
I can’t wait to share this at work. I guess that’s pretty creepy, but to me, knowledge is power. The more you know.
“He knew why he wanted to kiss her. Because she was beautiful. And before that, because she was kind. And before that, because she was smart and funny. Because she was exactly the right kind of smart and funny. Because he could imagine taking a long trip with her without ever getting bored. Because whenever he saw something new and interesting, or new and ridiculous, he always wondered what she’d have to say about it—how many stars she’d give it and why.”—Rainbow Rowell, Attachments (via rebeccasusanne)